For many years I have pondered this question in the context of a discussion I had with my Aunt Christa over the years. Who are you really John and what do you think? As opposed to ideas I have gained in the past from reading different authors and being influenced by various schools of thoughts and teachings. She'd say "that sounds like Buddhism" or "hmm, sounds like Carlos Casteneda" and "Yogic thought or Hinduism?" I guess that is a bit further off than when I would talk with her about my belief in Christianity, when I was much younger, then she said "come and talk to me in five years" and by then my entire world view and beliefs had changed.
She always seemed to see something inside of me that resided in my future or latent under the surface. So even now it hits me, who am I really apart from my ideas? What do I truly think originating deep inside of me? I guess I don't completely know. In the past, from time to time, I'd read something and think "yeah I get that, makes sense" or "it resonates with me, feels right". By reading something latent would rise up and bubble up to the surface. I got that feeling reading Whitman, Emerson, Thoreau and later it was with Jane Roberts. I'd read and my perception would shift, i'd feel like something around me had expanded or was vibrating. That sensation got stronger when I read Buddhist texts, Hindu texts, Zen texts and Carlos Castaneda.
These were all influences in my thought, but I keep going back to an observation, go deeper, find the original self and express. So that is where I find myself now. When I observe my inner self, apart from my experiences and social definitions I find: Curiousity. Drifting. Attraction. Passion. Sensation. Elegance of complexity. Observation. Waiting. Yes, waiting for magical moments, meetings with living people, people alive. What seems like an ocean is maybe just a mirror, but when I look inside all I see is glass. Perhaps I am looking for solidity but is simply a cluster.
Perhaps beliefs are just shared myths. The afterlife. Re-incarnation. Heaven and hell. Nirvana. Enlightenment. Perfect love. Bliss. The moment. Sin. Evil. Holiness. But what is an original thought? One outside of myths created or modified from others; and hopefully one originating from within myself. How about "when I am patient in the face of stress and difficulty I feel like I have conquered a mountain." It is personal, based on my real experience and is something that bubbled up from within. Another is "when I am alone in the dark I feel embraced by the good intentions of kind souls." It is something I feel. "When I look in the sky at night, breathe in the night air, I feel hope and optimism." This has always been true as long as I can remember.
Are these thoughts and feelings mine? Maybe this is a part of who I am and helps defines me. If so, I like it and I want to know more....
